比尔因为妈妈带回的僵尸病毒变成了僵尸小孩，但仍维持着一个平凡学生的形象，但他的游戏水平却突飞猛进……弗雷德·佩里编著的《僵尸小孩日记(3暴走的老爸)》是一本让你看了笑掉大牙的搞笑日记，一本让你感受北美纯正英语的轻松小说，荣登《纽约时报》畅销书排行榜。

弗雷德·佩里编著的《僵尸小孩日记(3暴走的老爸)》是本系列的第三分册，比尔尽管变成了僵尸小孩，但仍然维持着一个平凡学生的形象，他的成绩保持在中游水平，日常表现平平淡淡，这时候比尔的爸爸回来了，他处心积虑打着比尔和妈妈的坏主意。比尔和妈妈又该如何保守自己变成僵尸的秘密呢？

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Here's how my escape went down!

First, I scooted the chair next to my desk around, like I wasmoving around furniture. I had to make it sound like I was up tosomething dangerous. Then, when I heard Dad wake up and screamfor me to keep it quiet, I stood on my desk and did a belly flop ontothe floor face down, making sure I yelped on the way down!

I've got to admit, taking that belly flop was a painfully awfulidea. Even with my dulled-down zombie nerves, it hurt. In retro-spect, I could have just tossed something heavy on the floor to fakethe sound of my impact. But, the next part was easy: playing dead!

Not moving, not even breathing that much for a looooong timeis something Morn discovered we could do. She uses that techniqueto pretend to be a tree. As silly as that sounds, the grackles in thebackyard fall for that stunt every single time!  That's how she gotthe meat for those "beak-fast" burritos!

All I had to do was wait in complete and utter silence. After awhile, the suspense got to Dad, and he opened the door to check onme. little did he know, with my butt facing the door, he was in justthe fight position for my cannon--my BUTT cannon!  All I neededwas for him to take a step closer and get into range!

Dad kicked my shoe hard, but that didn't matter. I knew he'ddo that, and I kept playing 'possum!  When I heard him swear, Iknew I had fooled him into thinking I was hurt...maybe evenDEAD!  As he bent over to pick me up, he put his face just a footaway from nay rear end, which was fight where I wanted him. As Iknew it wouldn't, my butt did NoT fail me!

I mentioned before how my fart could be classified as aweapon of mass destruction, didn't I? Well, this time, Dad was thetarget, and he was utterly destroyed!  As the wood panel floor vi-brated from the shockwave, I almost felt sorry for him...almost.When I turned to look at the results, I could see his limbs alreadydeprived of strength, growing lifeless and limp. He stumbled backand splatted hard on the floor face up. Bullseye!

I knew I had to work fast after that. The air was cleaner nearthe floor where he lay, and he'd be coming around again soon. So,I went for the trash where he threw nay notebook, then tried thedoor, but it was padlocked with a bicycle chain!  Any other middleschooler would have been trapped like a rat...but not me!  Espe-cially since I know how great my chompers work!

With the door unlocked, I ran out of the apartment building asfast as my lethargic, slow zombie feet could carry me. From thenon, it was a race against time!  I hoped my gas would give me abig enough head start.

Unfortunately, it didn't. Thanks to my turtle-slow runningspeed, Dad had plenty of time to wake up and figure out what hap-pened, he was furious once his head cleared, too. There's nothinga cheating sore loser like Dad hates more than being beaten despiteall his cheating.

I was two blocks away from home when I heard him runningup behind me. I remember thinking I was done for. Even if Iyelled for help, he could make it look like I was just being disobe-dient, especially if he took my notebook first! He could charm hisway out of almost anything! The next thing I knew, I was beingknocked over. "you little punk!  you thought that was funny! ?hUh! ?" he raised his fist to hit me. Man, I hate bullies!

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